Anna DeStefano's Blog

When you’re a fighter, you fight. When others would fail or give up or collapse under the pressure, you fight. When you WANT to fail or give up or collapse under the pressure, you fight. You’re you’re own hero, when you desperately want someone else to step in and take over for a while. Sometimes, you refuse to relinquish that desperately controlling place, even when someone does step in. Because if you stop fighting, who will you become, what will you be, and will you survive the fall when the other person isn’t actually there the way you need them to be.

That’s what I write about in my Mimosa Lane series. Christmas on Mimosa Lane and my July release Three Days on Mimosa Lane are all about that, for my heroines. And Love on Mimosa Lane, which has kept me offline for a month and is currently now wrestling sleep and energy and courage out of me, so I can rewrite through my first round of developmental edits, is all about that. Most every heroine I’ve ever created has been all about that in their own unique ways. And, yeah, in very personal ways I’ll likely never share directly with anyone but those closest to me, I’m all about that. Otherwise, why would this be one of my recurring themes?

What keeps us from healing from past losses? And even more importantly, what do we deprive ourselves from having, if we never take that leap of faith and truly believe that someone besides ourselves can be there for us in the most intimate and meaningful ways we need them? These are the questions and messages that paint themselves all over the pages of my imagination.

I’ve needed a new hero these last few months, while challenges and conflict invaded my ordered, productive work world and mucked things up to the point that I’m now scrambling to complete edits for a book that should already be in production. I’ve found I couldn’t be that savior for myself this time. The closed fist hammering through adversity until it’s tamed simply wouldn’t work. I’ve found myself leaning on others in ways that scare me to death. Just like my heroines who are terrified to try again, I’ve reached my “eventually,” where I haven’t had any other choice.

So many people have stepped in to help, to believe in me, and to want me to succeed. I’m so lucky, and still so scared. And so I still fight, but this time not alone. I still write, but I’m not hammering through the work as if it’s all I have. And I still doubt, but myself more than others now. Because I want this success and promise and tomorrow so many have rushed to my side to promise I can have. Only…the real person in my journey who’s been most prepared to let me down all along, has been me.

If I can’t heal from this past that follows me and this present that scares me, the person who’s broken trust with me…is me. (more…)