Fighters fight… But where do they hope and love?

When you’re a fighter, you fight. When others would fail or give up or collapse under the pressure, you fight. When you WANT to fail or give up or collapse under the pressure, you fight. You’re you’re own hero, when you desperately want someone else to step in and take over for a while. Sometimes, you refuse to relinquish that desperately controlling place, even when someone does step in. Because if you stop fighting, who will you become, what will you be, and will you survive the fall when the other person isn’t actually there the way you need them to be.

be your own hero

That’s what I write about in my Mimosa Lane series. Christmas on Mimosa Lane and my July release Three Days on Mimosa Lane are all about that, for my heroines. And Love on Mimosa Lane, which has kept me offline for a month and is currently now wrestling sleep and energy and courage out of me, so I can rewrite through my first round of developmental edits, is all about that. Most every heroine I’ve ever created has been all about that in their own unique ways. And, yeah, in very personal ways I’ll likely never share directly with anyone but those closest to me, I’m all about that. Otherwise, why would this be one of my recurring themes?

What keeps us from healing from past losses? And even more importantly, what do we deprive ourselves from having, if we never take that leap of faith and truly believe that someone besides ourselves can be there for us in the most intimate and meaningful ways we need them? These are the questions and messages that paint themselves all over the pages of my imagination.

trust hand

I’ve needed a new hero these last few months, while challenges and conflict invaded my ordered, productive work world and mucked things up to the point that I’m now scrambling to complete edits for a book that should already be in production. I’ve found I couldn’t be that savior for myself this time. The closed fist hammering through adversity until it’s tamed simply wouldn’t work. I’ve found myself leaning on others in ways that scare me to death. Just like my heroines who are terrified to try again, I’ve reached my “eventually,” where I haven’t had any other choice.

So many people have stepped in to help, to believe in me, and to want me to succeed. I’m so lucky, and still so scared. And so I still fight, but this time not alone. I still write, but I’m not hammering through the work as if it’s all I have. And I still doubt, but myself more than others now. Because I want this success and promise and tomorrow so many have rushed to my side to promise I can have. Only…the real person in my journey who’s been most prepared to let me down all along, has been me.

trust broken

If I can’t heal from this past that follows me and this present that scares me, the person who’s broken trust with me…is me. I have what I’ve always needed–to belong and to be wanted and to be supported even though I might very likely fail. Now, can I accept that and claim it and make it mine. Or will I return to fighting alone, because at least that feels safe and real and solid. Lonely might be a terrible reality, but it can be so much safer than believing and being disappointed again in the most personal of ways.

I’ll write through my exhaustion and panic and tight deadline, because I’m a fighter and I don’t know any other way. But will I let myself risk it all again–my heart and hope and dreams–and give up that very personal safety of clinging only to myself?

This is my fight.

I suspect it’s the fight of so many others, if reader reaction to my novels, particularly the Mimosa Lane series, is any indication. Is it yours? Can you empathize, the way I do with the heroines I write into the same emotional corner, regardless of their very different external circumstances from mine.

This is my blog topic, in varies ways, I promise, for some time to come. We’ll have fun and there will be more giveaways and goodies and excitement, hopefully, as TDoML comes out. But there will be talk of this universal journey of finding yourself and your internal hero, so you can open that self up and let others in to fight beside you.

trust couple holding hands

When you’re a fighter you fight. When you’re a lover you love. And between those two extremes is where most of us find the hope that endures and gets us through anything. That’s simply what I know, or at least what I’m learning. It’s what I’m writing all over again into LoML, because maybe I haven’t learned enough yet. It’s what I’m living, because life evidently wants more for me than enduring alone and being afraid to need more.

Join me, won’t you?

Share your stories of inner courage and outer hope and the struggle between fighting onward alone and letting go so you can love…

I’ll meet you here, sharing mine.

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5 Responses to “Fighters fight… But where do they hope and love?”

  1. Ginny Lynn says:

    Keep fighting for us. We love it.
    ))) Corset Hug (((

  2. Kathryn Jane says:

    Sounds like you’re having trying times to say the least! I hope everything continues to work out well.

    I too am a fighter, and I too have just gone through life changing times. Trust was broken. I not only questioned my choices, but for the first time in my life, doubted my worth.

    Thankfully, I was tough enough to fold my tent and walk away. I will never forget what I learned, and I’m using that experience in my writing.

    I’ve stopped dabbling in a writing career, and made a commitment to what brings me joy. I’m self publishing a series named for the Intrepid Women who know how to fight, and love.

    … and MY DREAM is …. one day down the road, when I’ve established myself as a respected author, I’ll be asking people like you who write about gutsy women, to join me in writing books for an “Intrepid Women Collection”… heck {she says grinning} maybe we could start a whole line of books :)

    Meanwhile, I must get back to editing book 2.

    Thanks for this blog article, and kudos to you for pressing on!

    • Oh, I’m fine, Kathryn. It’s just too obvious sometimes, what drives us to write. My life is a blessed one, even with it’s downs and ups and downs again. I’m well-loved and learning to believe that more every day. So are my characters–who ALWAYS get their happily ever afters. Because no matter how I torture them emotionally, that’s how I roll. That’s why I write romance. It’s why I write, period!

  3. Joanna Aislinn says:

    Thnx, Anna, for this encouraging, heart-felt post. And for your reply as well, Kathryn. I can relate well and feel inspired by the bravado and commitment you both show. Enjoy your day and best wishes in everything. I believe it all comes together for a greater purpose in the long run, but the journey and/ or process ain’t always fun.

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