I’ve been thinking a lot about the gifts that experience gives us –when we look back from the other side of hard work and FINALLY understand what it’s all been about. Why doesn’t time just man up every now and then, and whisper what we’re about to learn into our ear, so we can relax while it’s happening? I’m guessing because then we wouldn’t “learn nothin’” while life does it’s spinning out of control thing.
Relaxing amidst chaos is one of my “revising” goals for this year. As you might guess, chilling can be hard for me. When something’s important enough, and the war is difficult enough that I can only see the day-to-day battles rather than the finish line, things can get a little sticky.
Finding the solution to every problem was a given when I was in school. Easing off on the overracting was simpler then. And all I had to do was study and work hard and trust that I’d get to the core of every challenge. As long as I didn’t get so frustrated that I self-destructed, as long as I was patient, I’d eventually graduate to a new world where I could finally start my life. Wouldn’t it be nice if the battles we fought beyond school were that straight forward?
Well, exactly who said they weren’t?
- My son was four when we tackled the daunting task of handling ADHD in pre-K. Just ten years later, we’re preparing him for a magnet math and science highschool for scary gifted kids. The challenges and sacrifices that went on endlessly in between? Every one of them was necessary to prepare us for this moment. I’m proud of it all. Even the failures. Why was I so scared so much of the time back then? He’s a happy, successful teenager and has always had this amazing future to look forward to. We just needed 10 years to get us here.
- I was thirty-one when I gave up the security of my corporate career to pursue writing fiction. Just ten years later (yes, do the math), I’m thriving in the last career I’ll ever have. The panic and disappointments and second-guessing along the way could have stopped this new chance in its tracks. Almost did, more than once. I’m finally on the threshold of having security in my dream job. What was I thinking, each time I considered quitting to go back to a more stable life? That I didn’t deserve to work hard and succeed at something I loved this much, so failure was inevitable and I should get out while I was ahead? Craziness.
In each case, I had to become my own teacher. I had to put my faith in an uncertain future instead of my difficult reality. And THEN I had to wait, work hard, and believe. I had to accept chaos as the status quo, stop panicking, and fight as hard as I could for what I wanted to become. Not so hard that I burned out or gave up before graduation. Just hard enough to stay on the path of learning what would take me to my even newer life.
So, let’s recap…
Life is school. We are our own teachers. We can’t conceive of how every battle fits into the winning of our current war. All we can do is fight with faith and expectation and patience. THEN and NOW are the same as they alwasy where–they’re the beginning and the end of a race that becomes the beginning of the next race, once we’re finished. Fear and anxiety are our enemies as we learn, not life itself. They’re how we defeat ourselves into believing we can’t, while school keeps moving on, with our without us.
We teach ourselves to succeed or fail. We trust, we live, or we confine our reality to the world we knew then, instead of facing the next challenge and the next life we’re meant to have.
Ten years later, I can’t believe how far things have come here. Where will I be ten years from now? It boggles the mind, but I’m up for the ride. Life’s chaos is still whispering to me every day. It’s time to start paying attention in class. What better way to learn AND understand the ride at the same time ;o)
Anna,
This is a fabulous post. Applying the knowledge I am gathering is something I am striving for. It’s a fabulous journey – rollercoster, but fabulous
wow and congrats to your son; that is awesome.
Fear and anxiety are our enemies: how so true Anna. I speak for myself. Many times over I think if only I hadn’t been afraid or anxious over things.
Anna:
As a military history buff, I loved your battle & warfare analogy. Sometimes life does seem like an endless series of battles that can sap one’s spirit, if we let it.
Thanks for a great post. Best wishes in your endeavours.
Sincerely,
Ted
This was a great post. It was a lesson that I need to be reminded of and it helps put things in view. Thanks.
Great post!
What a ride! And we each are teacher, student, and end-product!
Best Wishes to all as we traverse this life path!
Pat Cochran
Loved your post!