I dreamed of fire last night, and it was coming for me.Or, rather, the fireman were banging down my door, waking me to see that fire was in my home and I had to move. NOW. And it wasn’t the first time this dream has happened. I’ve been ignoring the recurring symbolism for a while now, but, as always. resistance is futile..
Strange, that I’m writing a book about water while all this is going on. Both fire and water are essential, timeless elements that can symbolize change and revelation and renewal. Both can symbolize life. Fire, too, can mean torment (as in, can’t decide on the next turn in your life), while with water one can feel as if she’s drowning in a decision not yet made. So, they can go hand in hand. For me, as I write about ocean visions, it’s interesting that my own dreams have centered on fire’s illumination and possible destruction. Or, maybe not so far off the mark, as it turns out.
I’d said a few blogs back that this would be a year of revisions for me. Not all together of my choosing. I have a lot on my plate, but the plate’s suddenly been taken away from me, forcing me to slow a bit and just live while I wait for my “get back to normal” chance. Not that I’m not still loving writing Secret Legacy. Not that it’s not 2/3rds through (though this is 2/3rds of the draft that no one else sees, not even my editor, because it’s the ugly draft that needs TONS of TLC before it’s ready for others to drool over). But, the work’s slowed since mid-December, and it will be slower still for a while, and I’m not handling the downshift with a lot of grace. Just ask my husband. And my fire dreams.
They’re both telling me to let the guilt for not writing full-speed ahead go. Let the time I can’t write fill with other things I need. Let myself see other things right now–like the threat heading straight for me. Or is it a chance to shift my view, more than a threat? Is it a time to review and re-evaluate and revise, so I’m even more ready to write again, when Secret Legacy once more becomes my primary focus?
In dreams, fire can be a painful journey taken to leave past truths behind and achieve new growth. It can symbolize untamed growth and energy you have to let rage, rather than trying to control. It can be an omen, that fighting to stay where you are will lead to even more pain. It can be a chance to set your mind free, or to trap it forever.
As a writer, feeling trapped in a story, or in an impossible moment, is a horrible feeling. Writers have to see the fire their imigantions become as an escape, rather than a threat. A new beginning, as all stories begin first in a blaze of creativity and fear and uncontrollable combustion that only the most delicate, sensitive mind can embrace. And as a human being, I now have a new beginning to revise. My own. My 2010. It will be like none other. It will begin with the rush of fire, then it will catch into something new and amazing and untamed, then it will become a journey I never expected. All I have to do is open the door and know I’m ready to embrace the flames, no matter how dangerous my dreams make them seem.
I’m having surgery next week, and there may be more to come after that.
I have a book to finish, and there are worlds and journies beyond even that to tell, once I can get my mind to re-focus on the worlds my dreams bring me.
I have a life to revise, while I wait for the former to happen, so I can get back to the latter, and it’s my choice which, if either, will be consumed by the flames my dreams are showing me. The fear. The doubt. The insecurity. It’s my year to do with whatever I choose.
Anyway, that’s what I’ll be blogging about for a while. The dreams and the journey and the writing (an Atlanta Heroes out in April and Secret Legacy out later this year). And the revising.
Joine me, and we’ll see where the fire takes us…
Oh Anna! I’m sorry to hear you’ll be undergoing surgery. Take care of yourself first. If I may be so bold, but your images of fire can also be seen as fuel. Fuel that can be used to drive you through this trying time and complete your revisions.
Best wishes always.
Sincerely,
Ted
Anna, the best with your surgery and a speedy recovery.
I agree about you opening the door and embracing the flames; it is
much easier when one embraces what’s coming and gives their all.
Take care.
I agree with you about those dream flames, they may be your reaction
to the current imbalance in your life and mind. Good luck with your
upcoming surgery and all else that is in your future. I’m including
you on our prayer list at church, which means our entire congregation
will be praying for you. God Bless You!
Pat Cochran
You guys are so sweet. And intuitive ;o) The door image you’ve all mentioned is a key component of what I’m writing in Secret Legacy. Finding the door, being afraid of the door, hurting herself (Sarah Temple) trying to open the door, then realizing she’s too afraid of what’s on the other side to do anything but drown in her hesitation and fear…
Funny how life and storied start to meld. I’ve seen this from my very first book. This is the first time I’ve let readers get a glimpse of the “spookiness” that my writing process can become.
I never write books about myself or my life or real people I know, but the energy and teh patters are always there. The lessons to be seen and learned. But I have to say this is one of the most literal experiences I’ve had in a long time (the fire/water connection). I was reading through my dream imagery notes after dreaming, and felt smacked upside the head when I realized what had happened.
I case you wondered, this surreal stuff is why I do this for a living. That and staying in touch with wonderful souls like yourselves! Thanks for the company as we all dream through another year…
Best of luck with the surgery.